ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
