How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
