I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
