So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
