I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
