Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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