If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
