My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
