I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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