i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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