even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
