Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
