How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
