you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
