If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Someone shattered a urinal.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
