My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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