i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
