Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
