I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
