Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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