i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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