You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
