I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
