i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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