His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
