No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
time to smoke my breakfast
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
