I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Girls should come with a carfax report
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
