You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
