Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
