I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
