sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
