i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
