Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
