After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
