I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
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