I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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