I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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