apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
