Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
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