At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
