I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
cat food counts as protein by the way
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
