the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
