I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
