Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
