so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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