just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
