benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
