So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
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