Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
