you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
