He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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