First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
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